The Secret to Getting Your Child to Behave (Hint: It's Not What You Think!)

A well-behaved child...

What does this really mean anyway?

We all have a different idea of what well-behaved means, so let's start by looking at the definition of behavior, "the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially towards others."

Misbehavior can quickly overwhelm us as parents and teachers, but it’s important to take a step back. As a Montessori educator and parent, I view a child’s misbehavior through the same lens as myself as an adult.What causes adults to misbehave?

Become a Detective

Much of the time, the root of misbehavior is due to a specific need not being met. For example, if you don’t feel valued at work, you may rebel or at the very least not give it your all. Maybe you find yourself getting into small arguments with your partner when it doesn’t feel like they’re listening or it feels like you’re never a priority.

Well my friends, I've spent years watching, observing, and guiding children, and I can tell you the root of their misbehavior is not much different than ours.

However, my strategies are never a one-size-fits-all, and only you know your situation and your child the best. If you think you may need to seek medical help for an issue you are navigating through, by all means you should follow your motherly intuition.

But if you just keep finding yourself scratching your head wishing you had more strategies, read on.

A Call for Help

Throughout the day, our little ones can find themselves hungry, sleep-deprived, unsure of our boundaries, overwhelmed with a task that's just beyond their skill set, and wanting love and attention. We as adults are really not that different from our children.

So when your child starts misbehaving, try to take a moment to think about their needs.

Do you need to give them a little more one-on-one quality time?

Do they need a snack?

Are they struggling because they're tired?

If you feel all of these requirements have been met and you're still getting behavior you don't appreciate (aka you’re on the verge of losing it), the next place to look is at yourself. Yes sweet mama, I’m talking to you. I’m guilty too..

It Starts with Our Energy

Sometimes I get so frustrated with my child's behavior I want to pull my hair out and I forget to look at myself. How is my energy? Am I in a good mood? If you think about a time where you went to work and your co-worker was in a really rotten mood or your boss was really "on one" and you just really didn't want to get in their way, then you'll have a good idea of what your child is experiencing when you're not centered, balanced, and in a calm mood.

What are You Modeling?

Now before you start to panic, this does not mean that we have to be happy, perfect moms 24 hours per day. There is even merit in modeling to your child how to get through a bad mood.

What we can do is to continually check-in with ourselves and our needs. Are you continually putting yourself last? Are you continually doing everything for everyone else? Do you often talk yourself out of doing something for yourself, because you just don’t have the time?

If you answered  "yes" to any of these questions, I’d highly encourage you to explore some internal work to find your balance. Once you find your balance, it's likely your child will too, and that misbehavior has a great chance of melting away.

What was your greatest takeaway today? Share in the comments how you’re going to support yourself and your energy this week!

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